Sitting in front of the computer, I begin to feel the work of the cold against the deep ache in my shoulders. All the while, my body craves for the much needed desire to relax and let go of the day. Finally it is time to put aside the stress of my hard work, which has finally gotten me this far... to this exact point in time. I can now simply be satisfied with myself in this moment. I really can't be anymore prepared than I already am, so that I might be here now. I have made it, have I not? I have explored the depths of my weaknesses and strengths, only to know that there are always more to be found. At least as long as I am contained in this vessel known as the human condition. Nevertheless, there must be a greater message here. With every instant of life breath and energy being exerted from my very soul I can sense something great at work. My life is valuable and impermanent. In reality, all life is a fragile work of art.
While wading in this stretch of space, I suddenly have the urge to just go ahead and skip past to the next few weeks in my life. Where I can finally bask in the glory of my new journey ahead. I am deeply looking forward to all the knowledge I have yet to soak in, but I am also realizing that these next four to five years will be composed of fresh scars and several ages of learning and falling. These are just the next baby steps, which will be the beginning of a lifetime for the transformation and birth of a healer. There will be much blood, sweat, and tears left behind on this path; to be swiftly swept away with time underneath the proverbial mat, to expose a person fit to serve and heal the depths of the Earth. One day my wisdom might impart an exciting profound way in understanding the cycle of life and death. Ok maybe it seems like I am getting ahead of myself, but if I am not open to the possibility of being everything I am meant to be or can be... then how can I ever have hope that there will be a new day or simply a tomorrow to bring forth wonderful creations into my existence.
What I really mean is that I believe we are more afraid of what great things we human beings are truly capable of and so we hold back with all these insecurities and problems we manifest with our minds. Maybe we think that our problems make us more real and our actions excusable so that we can continue the patterns that don't serve us. Well, now I am on a tangent but let's not stop ;) Like how do we even know that are dreams aren't a connection to an element of our reality that isn't more real than reality itself? Where do I get my inspirations to write and how do I know what's truly me? Can you ever really know someone else through and through, or since we are dynamic and ever-changing beings, are we just as unpredictable as animals?
Since my move to Portland, I have somehow been honored the role of leading meditations at several venues. I have discovered that I have a natural talent for guiding others into meditation, yet I have never practiced and have no sense that there is a right way to lead. The words just seem to flow into place and everything feels right. Funny thing is my experience of leading a meditation during my yoga class is a completely different feeling all together. It doesn't feel as smooth and I get this strange agitation of struggling to find the right words. Of course, it all eventually comes together. So, maybe this is merely an internal dilemma and perhaps more of a battle with myself, in this particular yogic circumstance, than with the meditation itself. Thus, this revelation may in fact be less amplified or evident to the listener. Life is a matter of perspective, is it not?
"As we learn to focus our attention, we have a means to free ourselves from illusion and begin to perceive the ultimate nature of reality."
"As we learn to focus our attention, we have a means to free ourselves from illusion and begin to perceive the ultimate nature of reality."
I had a vivid dream last night of an interesting symbol tattooed on my right arm. Then today I happened upon the very inscription I saw in my dream. It turns out to be a blessing by a Tibetan Lama. Could this be a sign? Have you ever had a dream that caught you by surprise or made you discover something deeper about yourself? When you look at this image and the pattern on the cloth what do you see and what do you think it means?
Love & Wellness,
Yogini Nicolasana
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